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  • Paola Rosser

Messy Hair, Don't Care Anymore

When I was little I had my hair so long it went past my butt. I actually still have semi-long hair. I truly love my hair but during the summer I want to chop it all off. It gets to be a pain in the summer. The long thick hair makes you it so much hotter and nothing feels better than to tie it up in a bun and let your neck breathe.


And after a workout, I love piling up my sweaty hair up in a bun for my cool down. But there was a time when I wouldn’t dare put my hair up in a bun in public.


Can you believe some female “friend” once told me, I should never wear my hair in a bun? She actually told me the “messy bun” look wasn’t for me.


Let me take you back to the exact moment when she said this to me. We all have those moment seared into our memory when someone says something hurtful. Why? Because words can cut deep. They can cause anyone to stop dead in their tracts and second guess themselves. And that is what happened to me.


Let’s call this friend “Stacy” for privacy reasons. Stacy and I became fast friends, I met her through a mutual friend and we bonded over the fact that we loved running. We quickly made small talk and realized we lived in the same community. Back then, I lived by the beach and I used to run about 9 miles a day. She then asked if I ever wanted to either run with her or workout with her at the local gym, which I too was a member of.


Our friendship grew from there, we became close super fast. Soon, we were carpooling to the gym. Then one day after a hard workout just as we were piling into my car to head home, I pulled my hair out of the pony tail and I proceeded to wrap my hair into a high bun on top of my head. Now this wasn’t the first time she had seen me do this. She had seen me do this countless times over.


I pulled up to her place and as she grabbed her stuff to jump out, she looked at me and said “You know, the messy bun look isn’t for you, if I were you, I would never wear my hair like that”


I laughed it off and said goodbye to her, but as I pulled away I took my hair down. And for a long time, I only wore my hair in a bun in the house behind closed doors.


For a long time, I never wore my hair up in a bun in public. No matter how hot I got after our workouts, I never put it up in a bun. I allowed this “mean-spirited” comment to dictate my behavior and how I styled my hair. I started to notice more of her “mean” comments. Some were meant to be funny and others she would say with a straight face. We eventually stopped being friends but her words and comments stayed with me for a long time.


How many of us have done that? Allowed the opinions of people we consider family, friends, or loved ones to limit ourselves to certain clothes, hairstyles, makeup or even stop us from pursuing our dreams.


We all want to be loved and accepted but at what cost? Should we just go along with what they want us to be or who we want to be?


It’s time to stop allowing the opinions of others to limit you. It’s time to just be you. Messy bun and all. Put up that hair, wear that lipstick, put on that heel or wear that outfit. Do what makes you feel good. Not what other people tell you makes them feel comfortable. So do you boo!

If you have been hiding behind what others think of you or have been limiting yourself to make others feel more comfortable, then it's time to chat with me. I help women let go of self-defeating thoughts and learn how to truly love themselves again. Set up your first call with me today.

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