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  • Paola Rosser

Are you a selfish friend?

Updated: Oct 8

I used to watch so many crime shows on TV and when they get to the part of describing the person who died. The newscaster always describes them as “She lit up a room” or “He was kind and sweet” or “ She loved her family and had many friends”, but I have yet to hear the deceased person being called selfish, rude or generally disliked by their friends.


Actually most of us hope, that the day we leave this planet, we would be described in a positive light. I mean who wants to be considered a selfish human being. But in reality we’re all a little bit selfish. A healthy dose of selfishness is good, it helps you create some space for you to exist. This healthy space is where you can cultivate more self-love and have time to fill up your cup and re-fuel your spirit.


But being too selfish can be negative. Wayne Dyer says being selfish is to be a burden to another human. The dictionary defines selfish as lacking consideration of others and is only concerned with one’s own profit or pleasure.


We all have encountered a very selfish human. Shoot, that human could have been you. We are not safe from negative selfish habits sometimes. But the goal, is to be able to recognize when we hurting others and correct our selfish behaviors or habits. Some people still haven’t figured out that they are selfish.


Think about a person who dislikes themselves, aren’t they the biggest burden to be around? Shoot, I had a friend who I had to distance myself from because all they did was complain about life. She was someone who was never happy. She lived in a negative state all the time. Always blaming other people, the government, traffic, the lady at the post office or some other thing because was never happy. Those type of people are the ones that don’t know how to make themselves happy.


Instead, they use others to make themselves happy. I like to call these people takers. They take from those who are givers. I was the giver in friendship and I constantly gave her stuff, time, presents and so much attention in order to try to get her to be happy. But in reality I found it to be so draining. The friendship became a burden. I soon would catch myself rolling my eyes when she spoke. Or anytime I saw her name pop up on my phone, I would hit decline.


Eventually, I had to end the friendship. She probably thought that I was being selfish and maybe I was. Through the noise of her complaints, I had to ask myself:


Is this dynamic a healthy friendship?


I had to take a step back and realize that I was using all my time and energy to try and make her happy. I realized that it wasn’t my job. That I actually had no power in truly making someone else happy. Sure there are moments where I made her laugh or brought her lunch or gave her gifts that she loved but true lasting happiness is found within. No one can make us happy and putting that burden on someone else, makes you a selfish person.

First, I hope I never show up on a crime show. But if a newscaster has to describe me, I never want to be described as a selfish person, so here are some tips you can do to stop being selfish:


  1. Learn to truly love yourself - someone who loves themselves isn’t looking for validation in others.

  2. Clear your inner world of anything that interfering with your inner peace.

  3. Do something that you enjoy and brings your blissful feelings

  4. Take a moment to breathe before you begin complaining - it takes away the intensity of the emotion


If you still don’t understand how to make yourself happy, or don’t feel like you have healthy friendships or relationships, you might have some healing to do. Feel free to set up your first no pressure discovery call


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